Posted by: billysuperstar | December 2, 2011

Season 4, Episode 20, “Fuller House”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Hey, look, Stephanie’s wearing her glasses again!  Anyway, Danny comes home from a parent-teacher meeting and tells Stephanie that he found out that she’s having trouble with fractions but it’s ok because he’s going to make the whole family help her out.  Premise!  Then Michelle runs in and alerts everyone that Jesse and Becky have just returned from their honeymoon.  Dang, double-premise, and all contained within the pre-credits gag.  Someone must have just come back from a writer’s workshop or something.

Jesse and Becky are greeted by about 2 solid minutes of hugging from every single cast member of the full house, including the dog.  Jesse says that their trip to Bora Bora was the shit and that they filmed everything so the family could see it, and then Becky’s like, “well, everything except all of the hot naked fucking!”  Becky then tells Jesse that he should probably start packing up his shit so he can move into her house because it’s no longer a sin.  Michelle is confused by the situation and Jesse explains that now that he’s found himself a sugar momma, he’s gonna mooch off of her instead of Danny so he’s gotta move out.  Aunt Becky tries to console Michelle by explaining the concept of moving day but Michelle willfully misinterprets that the whole family will be moving in with Becky.

Joey tries to help Stephanie with fractions by slicing up her favorite dessert, a single Hostess cupcake on a plate.  His efforts are foiled when DJ and Kimmie Gibbler come in and eat the cupcake, but I have to say that I’m totally amazed to see Joey doing something that a reasonable intelligent adult might do to try to help a kid learn fractions.  He didn’t even talk like Popeye or anything.  Don’t get me wrong, his efforts still failed, but I think that this is the least incompetent thing he’s ever done. Anyway, Joey leaves and then DJ starts to get on Stephanie’s case about when she’s gonna move into Jesse’s old room.  Stephanie is hesitant to give up sharing a room but DJ really can’t wait to have all those walls to herself to cover with George Michael posters.

As Jesse packs up the last of his shit, he and Danny reminisce with great sentimentality about the time they’ve spent together.  This leads to a lengthy clip from the first episode, which served no purpose other to remind me that Danny used to stand way closer to everyone when he talked to them.  He still kinda looks like he might kiss everyone when he’s talking to them, but back in the early days he was a way creepier close-talker.

Anyway, Danny comments on how Jesse’s still the same 1-dimensional character he was when the series started and then he thanks him for living in his house for 4 years and eating all of his fried chicken.  They hug and then everyone else comes in and then they all hug.

Michelle comes in the room with her suitcase and announces that she’s all ready to move to Aunt Becky’s.  Danny explains that Jesse’s the only one that’s moving over there and Michelle gets all pissed and shouts, “but we’re supposed to be a big happy family!” before running out of the room.  What a ridiculous thing to yell when you’re upset.  Jesse goes into Michelle’s  room to have one of their, “world famous talks,”  and explains that now that they’re married, Aunt Becky’s givin’ it up like crazy and he can’t have a bunch of lame kids all up in his business all the time.  Michelle says that she’s really upset because he won’t be around to wait on her at all times anymore and the music comes on.  Dang, I don’t know if they’ve ever resorted to playing the music in the middle of an episode before, but this episode’s working over-time to be as ultra-contrived as possible.  At the end of the longest, most drawn-out goodbye in the history of television, there’s this incredibly lengthy zoom-in of Michelle after someone put some drops in her eyes, and it actually made me laugh uncontrollably.  I think that might be the only time in the entire process of watching this show that I’ve actually laughed really hard at something, but, dang, you guys, look at that stupid kid.

As if that weren’t hilarious enough all on it’s own, it’s followed by another incredibly long, slow zoom-in of Uncle Jesse standing right outside of her door, crying like a punk bitch.  Oh, man, that’s comedy gold!  I had to go lay down I laughed so hard.

As Jesse brings the last of his stuff into Becky’s place, he starts talking about how shitty all of her decorum is and starts making plans to put all of his shit everywhere.  Becky tries to diffuse the situation by offering up some hot sex on the couch but Jesse starts thinking about Michelle and is unable to perform sexually.  He totally ignores his wife’s moist vagina by staring off into the distance and singing a slow, sad rendition of the teddy bear song he used to sing to Michelle.

In what is probably the most artful segue in the history of the series, the scene switches over to Joey and Danny singing that very same teddy bear song to Michelle, who says that they suck without Uncle Jesse.

Meanwhile, DJ revels in finally having her own room while Stephanie feels sad about being by herself.

In the morning, Danny brings a plate of pancakes to the family at the breakfast table and Michelle takes them all and says, “you’d better make more, these people look hungry.”  Seconds later, Jesse and Becky enter the house and Jesse starts kissing everybody.  Joey actually recaps the events that happened seconds before to Jesse, including an impression of Michelle saying the obnoxious one-liner.  Not only did I really not need a recap of something I just saw, but that’s gotta be the most self-congratulating moment I’ve ever seen on tv.

Everyone agrees that it was really funny and Jesse’s like, “God damn it, I can’t believe I missed such a hilarious moment!  What’s wrong with me that I moved out of this house full of obnoxious, showboating assholes to go live with my rich, hot wife?”

Danny uses their broken family to explain fractions to Stephanie, who is able to comprehend that Jesse and Becky make up 2/7’s of their family while the remaining 5/7’s of them still live in the full house.  I don’t know why that’s easier to understand than cupcakes.  Anyway, the kids all leave for school except Michelle, who asks Jesse if he’ll sing her the teddy bear song that night.  All of a sudden Becky remembers that their apartment is being fumigated so they need to sleep in the attic of the full house that night, and everyone is pretty excited to have a pajama party.

As Jesse and Becky lay awake on their twin cots in the attic, she admits to him that she made up the fumigation because she thought that he missed his family.  She goes on to explain that she talked to Danny about renovating the attic and she wants the two of them to live up there.  The music comes on (for the second time this episode!) as Jesse says that he couldn’t ask her to make such a sacrifice for him but she explains that when she married him she pretty much gave up all of her hopes and dreams so at this point it doesn’t really matter.  It’s really weird that there’s this whole dynamic here that Jesse needs to be convinced about moving back into the full house when Becky is clearly the one who shouldn’t want to live there.  Regardless, as soon as Jesse agrees, Becky runs to the stairs and calls the members of the full house so they can all hug as gentle music plays.

Joey explains that his and Jesse’s studio is going to be moved into the basement and he’s gonna take Jesse’s old room, so Stephanie is going to move back in with DJ.  Stephanie gloats all up in DJ’s face as she laments having to readjust her George Michael posters all over again.  As the family all stand around grinning like idiots, Michelle demands that they sing her the teddy bear song, ushering in a new era of even more annoying people living in the full house.

Firsts:  2 musics, Aunt Becky lives in the full house

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE AUTHOR:

This will very likely be the last Full House Reviewed post published on WordPress.com.  The domain fullhousereviewed.com has been purchased and should premiere before next Friday with all of the content on this site imported over, including all of your comments and everything.  The site’s gonna premier with a snazzy new logo and it will be the shit!  As soon as everything’s all set up, the wordpress url will only exist as a forward to the official site, so I’m pretty sure that all of the wordpress subscribers will have to switch over the the new site to continue being notified about new posts.  Sorry for the inconvenience!  Thanks to all of you readers for sticking with the site as it upgrades, and stay tuned for news about the official Full House Reviewed t-shirt really soon!

your pal,

Billy Superstar

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Responses

  1. It simply amazes me that in the span of only one week we go from the ultra hot piece of leg Rebecca Donaldson to the boring, one dimensional, considerably less hot Aunt Becky. Nice work, Full House. What’s next, are you going to take Kimmie Gibbler away from us too? Hey, where’s that girl been?

  2. Sure are a lot of people crammed under that roof. By my calculations, the full house is one permanent character short of a refugee camp. Amirite?

  3. Scene between Jesse and the moppet = too embarrassing to watch.

    And why didn’t the adults fully explain to the moppet exactly what was going to happen once Uncle Jesse & Aunt Becky got married? Wouldn’t you want to prepare a preschooler for such a major household change? No, let’s wait until the absolute last minute – until it’s actually HAPPENING – so she can be totally confused and devastated.

    Sixth frame capture down –> Uncle Jesse looks like a creepy A & F mannequin. I can practically smell the musky cologne from here!

  4. PS – I’m surprised the whole full house didn’t end up coming along for the honeymoon. No seriously, I’m surprised. Can’t you just see that being written into the script??

    • It was likely more within the budget to just show them returning from their honeymoon. All extra scratch was going to have to be thrown at building a new attic set for Jesse and Becky to live in.

    • I would like to hereby officially validate your reasoning, SZA. I could totally see the whole gang tagging along, complete with fucking Beach Boys cameo. The fact they DIDN’T go only further alludes to the unspeakable depths to which Uncle Jesse must have laid his Greek pipe. The depravity.

      • The Beach Boys! Yes!!!

  5. This was the best recap yet. You are really hitting your stride now. Great job!

  6. You know, I always just assumed this season ended with the wedding, since shows always put their weddings at the end of a season, and it wasn’t until I noticed the episode number of the last episode that I realized this was not the case. Seems odd that they wouldn’t close out the season with the wedding, but, well, Full House certainly is odd.

    This is probably one of the most ridiculous episodes yet, simply because it cements the “grown adults cowtow to the whims of a toddler rather than live their own lives in their own house” mentality of the show for the rest of its run.

    Hey, look, Stephanie’s wearing her glasses again

    I’ll be damned…

    Someone must have just come back from a writer’s workshop or something.

    Ha!

    Becky then tells Jesse that he should probably start packing up his shit so he can move into her house because it’s no longer a sin.

    That seems like the sort of thing that should have been planned out earlier. Like, “welcome back from the honeymoon. Grab your shit, let’s go!” Who does that?

    Joey tries to help Stephanie with fractions by slicing up her favorite dessert, a single Hostess cupcake on a plate.

    Continuity, or cheap production values? You decide!

    As Jesse brings the last of his stuff into Becky’s place, he starts talking about how shitty all of her decorum is and starts making plans to put all of his shit everywhere.

    Again, none of this should be new and shocking to Jersey. Did he spend NO time at Rebecca Donaldson’s house when they were dating/engaged? Did they not discuss decorating her house or where Jersey’s stuff would go? Did he not realize until now that moving out meant leaving Michelle behind?

    who says that they suck without Uncle Jesse.

    Well, for once, she’s probably right…

    Man, I feel bad for DJ. She really got the shaft in this episode, in terms of getting teased with getting her own room before having it snatched away. If I were her, I’d be like, “to hell with Michelle, I want my own room!”

    The domain fullhousereviewed.com has been purchased and should premiere before next Friday

    Excellent! Very cool, I look forward to checking out your new digs.

    • yeah, i really thought they would have saved the wedding for the finale, too. this episode really seems like a season premiere, especially at the beginning when becky and jesse come back and they have this really long, drawn-out greeting from everyone so it’s made to seem like we haven’t seen these characters in a while. what was it all for?

      the decision for them to move into the full house is ridiculous for so many reasons. it sort of resembles the episode where michelle kills her fish, in that there is a scene where the family is all having breakfast together and are clearly adjusting just fine to jesse having moved out but the plot persists. “time heals all wounds” is a lesson never learned on full house. it also seems really nonsensical to me that becky talks to danny and the rest of the family about moving upstairs before talking to jesse about it, then she acts like she pulled one over on him or something when he does agree. When she calls the family upstairs, she exclaims, “he went for it!” as if jesse wasn’t clearly more desperate than anyone to move back into the full house.

      also, yeah, why dont the uncles just rent a studio space for their dumb ass job doing… i’m not even sure what these guys do for a living anymore, but i know that if i was dj, i’d sure as shit be unwilling to give up having my own room for it. and why’s it so totally out of the question that michelle would give up having her own room?

      finally, i just totally can’t believe for a second that becky would agree to live in the attic of the full house when she’s newly married and has a really nice place of her own. it’s stated at least once this episode that her place is only a 10 minute walk from the full house… couldn’t there just be 2 sets from now on? what is there to gain from cramming as many obnoxious white people as possible into one house?

      • That’s a really good point about how Michelle has her own room. She’s old enough now, you’d think DJ, as the older sister, would have more claim on a room than Michelle. Then again, in the Full House-verse, the world revolves around Michelle, so I guess we should just be happy they haven’t built a castle for her yet.

        And seriously, the episode mentions Becky’s house being 10 minutes away? I’d totally forgotten that, which makes the whole thing even more ridiculous.

        What’s next, she sells the house and just gives the money to Joeu?

  7. Oh God, even as an 8 year old I remember thinking Jesse was a total pussy for crying in the hallway.

  8. I always wondered, between the basement becoming a studio, and the attic becoming Jesse and Becky’s place, where did the family store all their stuff? I don’t remember them having a garage. Maybe they had a public storage, but damn with a family that big you’d think they’d have a lot of crap to store away. And congrats on the domain name!

  9. Holy shitbirds! That one-two punch of Michelle and Uncle Jesse all fake weepy eyed just about broke my internet.

  10. Great Review, as always. I am getting so antsy now that I have caught up with all the reviews and was hoping you could just abandon your life and dedicate it to doing more reviews a week? Ha! I kid, but Fridays are a delicious treat even more now.

    P.S. SUPER Kudos on finally getting compensated for your talent, well deserved. You might need to reinvest it in therapy once you are done with the series though.

  11. Jesse crying about leaving is about the lamest plot element ever in this show. I remember this episode perfectly, and I remember being really annoyed by that. Michelle being upset makes sense. She’s a toddler and just had this dumped on her that her beloved Uncle Jersey is moving out. However, he is a full-grown adult who had a life (of sorts, I guess…) before moving in to the full house. I can’t ever possibly imagine an uncle or an aunt being all distraught and teary-eyed over moving houses. Quite a reach there.

    I also love DJ’s socks. Super rad with that nightgown.

    Congrats on getting your own site for this business!

  12. It seems like since they already had Rebecca Donaldson’s house set that they would use it to create a little variety to this show. It’s not as if Jersey isn’t still going to be around all the time “working” with Uncle Joey and stealing Danny Tanner’s fried chicken.

  13. By the way, I have another question – totally unrelated to this specific episode, but when do any members of the full house get the chance to take a shit? Seriously. Does it even happen? It must! But when? Where?? And who is buying DJ’s Tampax?

    • I could picture Danny rushing into the bathroom after each Full House member takes a dump, cleaning in there like a mad man.

      • Or filming it, for Wake Up San Francisco

    • Actually, they do reference the fact that people fight over the bathroom in season 8 (which is a long time away from reaching here). It’s a part of the reason some of the full housers consider…DUN DUN DUN…moving out.

  14. Great post! Hilarious as usual. And congratulations on getting a real site!

  15. “but I have to say that I’m totally amazed to see Joey doing something that a reasonable intelligent adult might do to try to help a kid learn fractions”

    This cracked me up. I’m still trying to figure out why Joey was invited to the Full House in the first place.

    Upon watching this episode recently, i couldnt help but laugh out loud at Jesse’s crying! Really? You’re a grown ass man & you’re crying because you’re a 2 minute drive away from somebody else’s baby? Up until this moment, I understood Rebecca Donaldson. You see, Uncle Jesse is hot. He’s a beautiful, beautiful man. Up until this moment, his hotness was worth his general uselessness. However, at this point, Rebecca Donaldson should have gotten this marriage annulled. Any man who cries about having to leave the likes of Michelle 2 minutes away is not worth her time. If he were RICH & hot, it’d be tolerable. But yeah, even Uncle Jesse isn’t hot enough to make that display forgivable.

  16. Hey, congratulations on the new domain!

  17. We all need to observe a moment of silence in memory of “Rebecca Donaldson”.

    Also: congrats on the new site!

  18. I wonder if those are real tears caused by:

    A.) The producer telling whichever Olsen twat is onscreen that their dog just died.

    B.) Holding down said Olsen twat and attempting to put drops in her eyes causing her to actually cry.

    Either way I’m enjoying the mental images.

  19. Got a direct msg on twitter from uncle Joey himself asking me to give a shout out for his new web based show!!! Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel!!! Also this show stars him and Stephanie, what a shit combination


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