Posted by: billysuperstar | November 18, 2011

Season 4, Episode 18, “The Wedding-Part 1”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Danny prepares Michelle for her role as the flower girl in Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson’s wedding.  He convinces her that it’s the most important job in the whole ceremony and demonstrates how to perform the task by pulling tissues from a box.  She takes the box and starts chanting, “here comes Michelle,” while tossing out the tissues and then she completely ignores Danny when he tells her to stop doing it.  She just keeps walking around, chanting her name and wasting tissues while Danny helplessly trails after her, and if this pre-credits gag doesn’t completely define their relationship then I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout Full House.

DJ and Stephanie experience creative differences as they work on a wedding video for Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson.  Their filming is interrupted by Rebecca Donaldson running in and being all freaked out because Jesse’s not there to meet her parents.  Michelle comes downstairs and Rebecca Donaldson stops her frantic pacing to tell her that Howie, that baby that she made sweet, gentle love to in Season 2, is going to be making a return visit to the full house for the wedding.  Michelle says she doesn’t give a shit because she doesn’t even remember that fool even though she stayed up all night crying his name one time.  Michelle and Howie are re-introduced and immediately hate each other’s guts.

Boy am I glad they brought Howie back.  I always wondered what happened to that guy.

Danny comes downstairs and says that his suit for the wedding is too tiny.  The doorbell rings and Rebecca Donaldson rushes to greet her parents as Joey comes up in a big baggy suit and he and Danny realize that they switched by accident.

Rebecca Donaldson’s parents enter the full house and her dad immediately starts ranting about some asshole motorcyclist who cut him off when he was driving.  Right that second, Jesse comes in wearing his motorcycle gear and he’s like, “sorry I’m late but some asshole was driving like a dumb dick.”  Uh-oh you guys, I’m afraid Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson’s Dad are gonna start off on the wrong foot!

They proceed to bicker with one another until Rebecca Donaldson gets all upset so they stage a reconciliation.  Things seem to be pretty much smoothed over until Rebecca Donaldson’s Mom goes to the kitchen and walks in on Joey and Danny making love.

I guess they got all worked up when they were switching suits.  Joey’s butthole was just too inviting.  Anyway, Rebecca Donaldson has a big emotional meltdown until Jesse calmly reassures her and then they make out on the couch while Stephanie films them.

Michelle is terrorized by Howie, who acts the fool at bedtime while wearing the same Ninja Turtle pajamas that Joey wore to the Honeybee sleepover.  Michelle is like, “fuck this shit,” and decides to go sleep someplace else.

Rebecca Donaldson’s Dad rolls up on Jesse in his room and starts discussing his lifestyle choices.  It’s actually pretty amazing because Rebecca Donaldson’s Dad sums Jesse up by pointing out that he rides a motorcycle, plays in a band and wears leather, and Jesse defends himself by saying, “There’s much more to me than that, sir.  I’m also an Elvis freak.”  That shit totally blew my mind because I’ve described Jesse that exact same way in a bunch of these reviews, but I was doing it to be an asshole!  How can Jesse be so comfortable with being such a 1-dimensional character!??!  That really is all there is to him.

Anyway, Rebecca Donaldson’s Dad gives Jesse a big speech about how he used to be a cool dude, too, but then he got married and had to give up all the fun shit he liked to do.  Then he tells Jesse that he’d better have his shit together if he’s gonna marry his daughter and Jesse is overwhelmed by a looming sense of responsibility.  What’s the big deal?  Jesse’s been driving kids to soccer practice and shit for like 4 years now.  He’s clearly become fully resigned to being a total square, so how does any of that shit mean anything to him?

Jesse wakes Joey up at 7 AM and tells him to drive him to the airport.  Geez, you guys, that leads me to believe that Jesse is going to run away instead of marrying Rebecca Donaldson.  Why else would he be going to the airport!??!  I’m on the edge of my seat!

Danny wakes Michelle up by asking if she’s seen Jesse but she refuses to answer him without a formal greeting.  Danny complies with all of her requests and then it turns out that she doesn’t know anything about where Jesse is because of course she doesn’t because when the fuck does she ever have any useful information?  Anyway, Stephanie runs in with a note from Uncle Jesse that says that he had to do something before the wedding but he’s still gonna show up and everything.  The family all stand around and wonder what Jesse could be up to.

So apparently Jesse decided that he had to jump out of an airplane before the wedding because he had to go through with one last absurd sitcom cliche before settling down.  That seems like it would be ridiculous enough all on its own except JOEY IS FLYING THE AIRPLANE!!!

What!??!  I cannot believe for even one second that Joey can fly an airplane.  There has never been any mention one time of Joey having any aviation know-how whatsoever, plus I’d bet you $5 that Joey can’t even wipe his ass properly, and I’m supposed to believe that that muthafucka can just fly an airplane all of a sudden?  That’s some silly ass nonsense is what that is.

Joey tries to convince Jesse not to jump out of the plane but he does it anyway.  Right before he jumps, Jesse says that if he doesn’t survive he wants Joey to marry Rebecca Donaldson, which is pretty fucked up if you ask me.  Ok, so, before we get to the screencap, I want you all to guess what Jesse says when he jumps out of the airplane.  I want you to really take a minute and think about what he says.  Ok, are you ready?

Jesse says, “have mercy.”

So when it’s time for the wedding to start, Jesse still hasn’t shown up and everyone stands are trying to figure out what to do.  Michelle sees Howie in his little tuxedo and starts secreting love juices at the sight of him.

Rebecca Donaldson’s parents get all up in Danny’s face when the ceremony doesn’t start on time and he finally has to admit to them that Jesse is missing.  Rebecca Donaldson finds out and gets all upset, presumably because she’s finally realizing what a completely useless piece of shit she’s getting married to.  Seriously, Rebecca Donaldson must have left the full house the night before and been like, “ok, as long as Jesse doesn’t do anything completely fucking idiotic in the next 12 hours, I am willing to ignore his overwhelming personality flaws and complete lack of character and integrity and devote the rest of my life to him.  All that fool needs to do is just fucking show up to the wedding.”  And does he show up?  No, he doesn’t.  Instead Joey comes in and explains to Rebecca Donaldson that Jesse told him to marry her if he didn’t make it.

Meanwhile, Jesse got stuck in a tree and I guess we’ll just have to wait ’till next week to find out if he ever gets down…

I have to say, I had never seen this episode before.  I almost never watched Full House when a new episode aired, I always just saw re-runs when they happened to be on, and I always remember seeing part 2 ten million times but never seeing part 1.  This episode made me wonder if Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson have had sex before their wedding.  I mean, I know they’re fictional characters and there’s no real answer and everything, but what do you think?  I know that before he met Rebecca Donaldson, Jesse was the biggest hoe on the planet but I bet Rebecca Donaldson is pretty chaste.  They clearly don’t live together yet, which suggests a pretty old-fashioned relationship.  If I had to put money down, I’d bet that Rebecca Donaldson wasn’t willing to be infected with the herpes virus until she had a lifelong commitment from Jesse, so she made him wait till they got married.  Maybe that’s why he tried to marry her impulsively before, and also why they planned their whole wedding in like 6 weeks.

Firsts:  Rebecca Donaldson’s parents

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Responses

  1. within the first screen cap, this whole episode came flashing back. like a repressed memory of being touched as a child. there goes my weekend

  2. I could see uncle Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson holding out until they were married. Rebecca Donaldson is a classy broad and isn’t just going to give the milk away for free. While the weeks of waiting to taste that sweet, sweet honey must have have been murder on poor uncle Jesse, his many hours of “working” down in the basement with (don’t call him uncle) Joey surely must have aided in taming the beast inside.

  3. Oh, the wedding episode. It’s too late now Rebecca Donaldson. This was your last chance to escape the full house. Tons to say about this one.

    Howie, that baby that she made sweet, gentle love to in Season 2, is going to be making a return visit to the full house for the wedding.

    What an odd bit of continuity for this show to suddenly reference.

    Michelle says she doesn’t give a shit because she doesn’t even remember that fool even though she stayed up all night crying his name one time.

    Bitch.

    Joey comes up in a big baggy suit and he and Danny realize that they switched by accident.

    Wokka wokka wokka!

    Yeesh, this is the best you’ve got, Full House writers?

    I’m afraid Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson’s Dad are gonna start off on the wrong foot!

    Of course they are…

    Rebecca Donaldson’s Mom goes to the kitchen and walks in on Joey and Danny making love.

    Of course she does…

    Why the hell are they stripping in the kitchen? Why not return to your respective rooms and bring the incorrect suit back out to the correct party?

    Oh right, wacky sitcom hijinks…

    How can Jesse be so comfortable with being such a 1-dimensional character!??!

    He’s not one dimensional! He rides a motorcycle, plays in a band and wears leather, and likes Elvis. That’s FOUR dimensions, right there! 🙂

    he had to go through with one last absurd sitcom cliche before settling down.

    If only I had any confidence the absurd sitcom cliches would stop after he got married…

    I cannot believe for even one second that Joey can fly an airplane.

    Maybe this is setting up the episode where Stephanie accidentally flies Joey’s plane into the kitchen?

    • OMG. I wish so badly now that the show would have ended w/Stephanie flying Joey’s plane into the kitchen. And it would have been a thing of beauty to hear Jesse cry out with his dying breath, “Have mercy”.

  4. Everyone’s forgetting a dimension of Uncle Jesse’s character — a love of fried chicken!

    • You’re right, that makes FIVE dimensions! He’s the deepest character in the history of western culture! 😉

      • Don’t forget about his unhealthy obsession with his hair. If I’m remembering Uncle Jesse right(and sadly I believe I am) he loved his hair almost as much as he loved Elvis and fried chicken- an obsession that he places on his kids in later seasons.

        As a side note. I love this blog. It cracks me up. Keep up the great work!

  5. So I discovered this blog three days ago and I read the whole thing from the beginning. Genius. And I think the shining moment of FHR is when somebody got Dave Coulier to tweet the link to this. Degrading on so many levels! But anyways, Billy Superstar? I think you’re amazing.

  6. Dear god. I totally remember this episode but HOW did I never realize Joey was flying the plane?!! It’s like by this point your brain is so numbed by the gags and mush you can’t even grasp logic. To be honest, I’m kind of surprised they didn’t have Jesse mention how those weeks of Plane Driver School really paid off.

  7. Yes, Joey be able to fly a plane is dumb, but I can’t really add to that point. However, don’t you have to make some sort of arrangements if you’re going to go skydiving? And most places make you dive with an instructor first. How could Jersey acquire a parachute and a place to land seemingly on the same day.

    Also, this is the first time Jersey is meeting Rebecca Donaldson’s parents? Am I the only person that thinks it’s odd to meet your future wife’s parents the day before the wedding?

    I also like how, in sitcoms, nobody ever finds the humor in a situation. I assume Rebecca Donaldson’s mom was immediate outraged\confused when she walked in on Danny and Joey with their pants around their ankles.

    But if I walked in on two guys with pants around their ankles in a setting where it’s fairly obvious they wouldn’t be getting busy, I’d probably just laugh and ask them what the heck’s going on.

    • You know, with that kind of level headed attitude, you’re never</i? going to find yourself caught up in a wacky misunderstanding.

  8. I remember this episode, but I straight up forgot that Joey was flying the plane. Because apparently that was a bridge too far for my pea brain to handle. Holy crap Full House, you couldn’t get an extra or something, you had to get Joey?

    I mean, I can believe Danny could, as a hobby do that. And then have never flown again because by car crash, he meant that Pam died in a horrifying plane crash that Danny caused by habitually cleaning the instruments.

    And yes, total shock for Jersey to say “Have Mercy” jumping out the plane. This is my surprised face.

  9. Like many of the growing fan base, I read all the reviews in a short time and I’ve found myself laughing hours and days later over some remembered comment. Truly, this was a bad show. A really, really bad show.

  10. From the looks of it, it’s quite possible that (don’t call him uncle) Joey and Howie share the same barber.

  11. I really do feel like, based on my response and apparently everyone else’s, Joey flying the plane was a deleted scene in every airing of this episode ever in the history of the world. Because I’ve seen this episode plenty ‘o times and I have NO memory of Joey being in the plane AT ALL.

  12. I definitely remember Joey flying the plane in part one of this epic episode. Maybe I watched it too many times. I can’t wait to see the recap of Jesse singing “Forever” (originally by the Beach Boys-yet another one of their awesome connections to FH) to Becky during part 2.

    • What about when they make a music video of Forever?

  13. the actor who played Joey actually can fly airplanes, so he probably wanted to do it on camera (also it saved them the trouble of having another character in the show, because it’s always easier to just have one of the members of the full house do something instead of getting outside help, but the fact that he really can is what pushed Stephanie flying the plane out of the question)

  14. Dang, y’all. I feel like commenting has lost its fun now that everybody & their dog is reading this blog. By the time I get here, most of what I thought to say has been said. Congrats on the popularity, Mr. Superstar. Though, it is messing up my life b/c the entries I have commented on/subscribed to are now getting so many additional comments that it is wearing out my phone battery with email notifications. I hope this bothers you, as FH has taught me that my problems are important and should keep others up at night…

    I don’t understand why Rebecca Donaldson is surprised that is late to the wedding when he obviously doesn’t give a shit about showing up to places on time. I mean, damn, the guy is meeting her parents for the 1st time IN HIS HOME and can’t get there on time. I also refuse to believe that she would have waited so long to have him meet her parents. And the writers missed out on the golden opportunity of her having to go all “Papa Don’t Preach” on her disapproving parents.

    The tux bit is extra lame b/c one would think that if Person A is shaped like a string bean and Person B is shaped like a potato, they would realize the mix up BEFORE they put the tuxes on. And who parades around the house in such ill fitting clothing? And who changes clothes in the kitchen? It worries me for thos girls if the dads are so comfortable disrobing in the common areas of the house. I lived at home for damn near 18 years with my parents, and my dad was never caught by me or either of my 2 sisters with his pants down.

    I’m just gonna skip the absurdity that is the act of Joey flying a plane, but wouldn’t you think that if he’s gonna try to talk Jesse out of it, he would have done so BEFORE they were in the air? And does Joey, who doesn’t seem to have 2 nickels to rub together on most days, own a plane? Or is this just one of those common situations where Jesse lucked out when he got a ride from Joey (who can fly a plane) instead of Danny (who maybe can’t) b/c the airport has a new policy that the driver must also be the pilot? It is also key to note that Jesse is wearing his tux under his jumpsuit- that’s some mad confidence in your skydiving skills if you think you’ll just happen to land on the front steps of the church where you are slated to be married.

    I just want to wrap up this really long comment by saying that Michelle’s dress reminds me of those fancy things that everybody’s grandma used to keep on the back of the toilet to cover a spare roll of toilet paper.

    Keep up the good work!

    • My grandma actually MADE those. You know, for other grandmas to buy.

  15. This is one of the episodes that stick out from my childhood and the only line I remember was Jesse making a comment of forgetting his moose for his hair as he jumped out of the plane…did he not mention his hair at all when jumping? Is my childhood memory of this craptastic show a lie? I must know! Haha

    • yes, you remembered it correctly.

      • I have no clue why thats near the only line I remember from the show, but thanks! haha.

        Amazing blog that I wish I would of discovered sooner

  16. And now I am all caught up as well 😦

    Can’t wait for Friday!!!

  17. http://imgur.com/BcNEN

    I think this belongs here

  18. I stumbled upon this blog a month or two ago, and started reading from the beginning, and in between all of my work and studying, I just recently caught up. I just wanted to say, thanks so much for writing it! I used to be a fan (not a big one, but enough that I’d watch re-runs if they were ever on) but now that you’ve introduced me to the ridiculous of the full house and all of its characters, I’ll never be able to watch it the same way ever again. . .

    Anyway, thanks for doing it, it’s hilarious and gives me a much-needed break from college work every so often.

  19. You’ve embiggened this blog with your cromulent writing…A+ work!

  20. huffigton post just wrote about a new show called “can’t get arrested” featuring joey and stephanie. eek. what is the world coming to?

  21. Regarding Rebecca Donaldson’s chastity, I have this going:

    1) Her parents are meeting Jersey for the first time on the day of the wedding?

    2) Jersey’s able to just pass her off to that jackass Joey if he dies? What, because somebody just has to knock that broad up or something?

    2a) Everybody treats this like some kind of legally binding contract, right? Seems like the kind of thing these hooligans would do.

    This is reminiscent of the fucked-up pretend Greek wedding tradition shit they pulled way back, or maybe something outta the Bible. My guess is that if it’s discovered that she’s not a virgin on the wedding night, Jersey has to beat her to death with a bucket of chicken while hollering, “Have mercy!” over and over.

    And that would still be better than being forced to marry Joey.

  22. whoa, comment city. so excited this blog is catching on!

  23. I started reading this blog recently and am now officially caught up. You are doing God’s work my friend. I have held these opinions for years. Thank you so much!

  24. I’m not sure if you’ve mentioned this earlier, but I love that you only call Rebecca Donaldson by her full name. It gives her the dignity that she sort of deserves.

  25. I think there were some subtle hints that Jesse and Rebecca have been together before, weren’t there? I can recall one episode with them being like “Oh, at least we get to be alone tonight” and then they’d make out passionately before Michelle and/or Stephanie would interrupt them. I don’t know, I always kind of saw them as having boinked like bunnies even before marriage. ::Shrug::


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