Posted by: billysuperstar | November 4, 2011

Season 4, Episode 16, “Stephanie Gets Framed”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle brushes her teeth and then Danny holds her over the sink when she spits.  That’s really all that happens.

DJ gives Michelle her old piggy bank and teaches her how to weasel money out of people.

Stephanie comes home with a note from school that says that she needs an eye examination.  She worries that she’ll look like a geek with glasses but Danny explains that with the way her face has been shaping out over the last few years, glasses are the least of her worries.  Well, maybe he didn’t exactly say that, but you can tell he was thinking it.  Anyway, he tells her she’s gotta get glasses and tough shit if she don’t like it, then Michelle comes in and bums money off of everybody.

Rebecca Donaldson tells Jesse that it’s time for him to pick his best man for their wedding.  Danny and Joey are called into the kitchen and told that one of them is going to be selected, then there’s some conflict over who it should be.  Didn’t Jesse have any friends before he started hanging out with these guys all the time 4 years ago?  It’s like his whole life before the full house has been erased, like he’s been assimilated or something.  Anyway, Jesse ends up picking Joey and Danny gets all butt hurt about it.  You can’t really blame him, considering that he’s been housing and feeding Jesse for years now.  You’d think he’d get a shout-out, like, one time.

Some time later, Jesse and Danny discuss their feelings in the living room when DJ runs in with her friend Julie, who’s never been on the show before.

They explain that Julie’s cousin, Steve, is in town and he’s been bugging them while they try to get their shit done for the school newspaper.  As Steve knocks on the door, Danny and Jesse are persuaded into distracting him as the girls escape.  Jesse answers the door and OH MY GOD YOU GUYS IT’S URKEL!  IT’S FINALLY THE EPISODE OF FULL HOUSE WITH URKEL IN IT!!!

Oh, man, I can’t even tell you how fucking long I’ve been waiting for this one.  It’s like the one bright spot in an otherwise endless void of shitty garbage.  I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I actually wanted to write a Family Matters Reviewed blog originally, but I ended up not doing it because the show never had a proper DVD release.  I think that’s because it switched networks late in the shows life, so the rights are all fucked.  Anyway, Family Matters and Full House are pretty similar shows in a lot of ways, which is no coincidence because they share the same production company, but I always preferred watching Family Matters because it was endearingly bad, whereas Full House was just obnoxiously bad.  Although I think I’d spend less time with my head in my hands while I watched the episodes if this was Family Matters Reviewed, ultimately I think Full House was the better choice for one reason:  variety.  Even though I totally fucking hate every single stupid asshole on Full House, at least they shuffle the focus around a little.  There’s probably about 12 stock scenarios that get recycled in some form or other over and over again on Full House, whereas on Family Matters, by about Season 3, every single episode was exactly the same. It was all about Urkel.

Every episode of Family Matters goes like this:  Urkel goes over to the Winslow’s house and either sexually harasses Laura or kills Carl’s bosses pet fish or tries out some invention that does an incredible amount of property damage and then they kick him out.  He gets all sad and then later the Winslow’s feel bad and invite him back over under the condition that he’ll quit being such an asshole, but he never really changes at all.  Seriously, that’s every episode.  Sometimes there’s a shrinking ray or Waldo Giraldo Faldo says something particularly hilarious or Urkel turns into Bruce Lee or something, but that one synopsis pretty much describes every episode.  So even though I find the cast of Family Matters ten million times more watchable than the shitty anuses on Full House, and even though I find myself struggling on a weekly basis to find something new to say about how much I hate Uncle Joey, a least sometimes I can talk about why I hate Stephanie instead.

Anyway, Urkel is rad, you guys!  So rad that they just had to get him on Full House at least once.  Now, in case you weren’t paying attention, let’s quickly review what brings him to the full house:  some girl we’ve never seen before ran into the full house with DJ and said that her cousin was bugging them, and then her cousin turned out to be Urkel.  How’s that for an inspired crossover?  I think it would have actually seemed less random if Urkel had just knocked on the door out of the blue and been like, “what’s up, you guys, I’m Urkel from Family Matters.  I’m just gonna hang out for a couple scenes because they film my show on the other side of the parking lot, plus it’s sweeps week.  Urkel laugh!”

Urkel bestows his comedic genius unto the full house.  Jesse tries to teach him how to walk like a cool guy and then they spend a solid 2 minutes gyrating their pelvises together in the living room.  Classic Urkel!

Stephanie comes home with her new glasses and is all bummed out because she looks like a dogs asshole.

Stephanie becomes depressed and asks the girls to let her have some time to herself in her room.  Urkel decides to ignore her request for privacy and forces her to listen to a pep talk about how wearing glasses is great.  Stephanie is hesitant to heed his words because he’s a stranger that won’t get out of her room but she’s eventually receptive to his suggestion that he should preempt people making fun of her glasses by making light of it herself.

Meanwhile, Jesse is overwhelmed with guilt over picking Joey over Danny as his best man so he tells them that he wants them both to be his best man.  Then they all kiss each other on the lips.

Stephanie’s teacher tells her to put on her reading glasses in class.  While she thinks about putting them on, she is distracted by these really weird superimposed windows into her mind that create what I’m just gonna go ahead and call the best freeze frame you will ever see on this blog.

Urkel’s floating head reminds her to make the kids in her class laugh with her before they laugh at her so she proceeds to ham it up in front of her classmates with a bunch of trick glasses.  Her teacher gets all pissed off and reprimands her, which is one of the precious few instances ever on this show when someone is called out on being an obnoxious, attention-grabbing asshole.

Michelle continues to collect money for her piggy bank until the ice cream truck comes and she becomes desperate for the money.  DJ explains to her the importance of saving your money and then Michelle makes a face that will make you never want to have children.

Joey finds Stephanie writing lines about not disrupting class and has a talk with her about what happened.  She explains that Urkel gave her shitty advice and Joey says that he understands because he, too, has no social tact or common sense.  He then explains that he used to be a fat kid so he’d act a fool in class to prevent kids from making fun of him, which is pretty unnecessary because we don’t need to be told that he was once fat to believe that kids used to ridicule Joey in school.  Anyway, Joey says that any kid who makes fun of her can go suck a dick and that she should look at herself in the mirror with her new found sense of confidence.

Stephanie takes a look in the mirror and since they don’t use a fisheye lens this time I guess we’re not supposed to notice that she looks like Jason Voorhees.  The music plays as Stephanie makes peace with her doo doo face and then Joey coerces her into doing erotic poses as the credits roll.  Weird!

Dang, I guess that’s it for the Urkel episode, which was the only episode in the entire series that I was actually looking forward to watching.  He was only in like 2 scenes!

Firsts:  Julie (Urkel’s cousin, who I’m sure will never appear on the show again), URKEL!!!, cross-over with another show



  1. You are truly doing The Lords work with these Full House reviews. I’ll spread the word to all my fellow “Full House Heads” Thank you, and keep up the good work!

  2. Oh man, I totally remember the “Jesse picks a best man” episode, and the Urkel episode of course; I had totally forgotten they were the same episode!

    Julie, who’s never been on the show before.

    I love that they gave DJ a random African-American friend just to justify Urkel’s appearance on the show.

    And you know, I might even give the show props for doing a story involving Stephanie getting glasses at the same time Urkel visited, thus making him slightly relevant to the episode, but I have a feeling Stephanie’s glasses will quickly go the way of Julie.

    Stephanie’s teacher tells her to put on her reading glasses in class.

    Is it just me, or does this teacher seem overly-considerate? I mean, I had some good teachers in elementary school, but I doubt any of them gave a damn as to whether or not I was wearing my glasses when I should have been.

    Her teacher gets all pissed off and reprimands her, which is one of the precious few instances ever on this show when someone is called out on being an obnoxious, attention-grabbing asshole.

    Hell, I’m impressed the teacher didn’t give her a trophy to thanks you for amusing the class…

    Anyway, Joey says that any kid who makes fun of her can go suck a dick

    Again, there’s something almost resembling thematic relevance in having Joey be the one to give Stephanie the “you’re fine just the way you are” speech, but at the same time, you feel like Joey is probably still getting picked on in life, so maybe he’s not the best candidate to be dispensing advice.

  3. Oh Full House, how full of sitcom cliches you are. Not only do we get the “two guys fighting over being Best Man” which leads to “multiple best men,” we also get a crossover with another sitcom and a bonus “I used to be fat” story by one of the characters. This episode was packed full.

    Speaking of which, hadn’t we seen a flashback involving a young Joey? He didn’t look fat in that, did he?

    Also, if I recall, this episode was part of a TGIF Urkel bonanza. It started with this episode and then at the end of the Family Matters that followed this episode, Urkel created a rocket pack and blasted off into the sky.

    Then, the episode of Step By Step that followed Family Matters started with Urkel crashing into the Lambert/Foster backyard.

    Ahhh…Step By Step…another crappy family sitcom. Remember Sasha Mitchel? He became the sole focus of that show by the end. I think I’ll stop rambling now.

    • Remember Sasha Mitchel? He became the sole focus of that show by the end

      I do! It was crazy how his doofus character somehow became the breakout star of that show, to the point where they pretty much abandoned the central hook of the show just to focus on him.

      • the code-man? i like how he wasn’t even necessarily that popular of a character, they just decided to treat him like he was.

        well researched, bitz, about the urkel bonanza. i’d completely forgotten about that!

      • Cody was the best damn thing to ever happen to TGIF. Do you remember when it got preempted by coverage of the OJ Simpson low-speed chase? My child self was pissed at being denied her Cody-fix.

        And then when they brought Step-by-Step back a few years later without him, it TANKED. Also, some weird step-incest between Karen and Brendon … were those their names? WHY DO I KNOW THIS!?

  4. Okay, I found this blog through Reddit on like Wednesday and I just blew through the whole thing start to finish – and it is fucking gold.

    Full House started when I was about one year old, but the reruns ran so long that I’ve seen every episode about a bajillion times. At the start of each post, I think, “Huh, I don’t remember this,” and then a word or phrase or scene comes up and I go, “Oh shit, THAT episode.” Every. Single. Time. It’s scary and rather pathetic. I thought I had completely repressed this Urkel episode, for example, until the “make them laugh with you before they laugh at you” scene, with Stephanie’s crazy gigantic glasses, and then I felt a deep and overwhelming sense of shame knowing that I, as a child, had laughed at this garbage.

    I will now follow this blog religiously unto its conclusion, for I cannot wait to see Dwayne (“Whatever”) and the annoying-as-fuck twins that Uncle Jersey and Rebecca Donaldsen eventually spawn. Also, using her full name every time never fails to make me laugh out loud. I don’t know why.

    • “Also, using her full name every time never fails to make me laugh out loud. I don’t know why.”

      Same here! Cracks me up every time. Referring to the house as ‘the full house’ every time is equally hilarious.

  5. Man, the hits just keep coming…

    I’m just now recovering from the atrocity that was Danny singing “My Generation”- seriously, it’s been ocular & rectal bleeding for a week because of that mess. I couldn’t even comment on it, it was so painful. Not even when I sort of felt like I was getting a shout-out on facebook (Surely, it was MY dread you were referencing, right? Or has FH succeeded in taking us all down to another level of self-involvement? Are we becoming more like them each week? Say it isn’t so!); not even with that glorious screencap of a demonically possessed Stephanie Tanner.

    I had COMPLETELY forgotten about the Urkel bonanza! WHAT was wrong with all of us in the ’90s?!?!?! I remember thinking it was so cool that Steve Urkel showed up in all the other TGIF shows. Can you imagine if that were true today? Like what if Ron Swanson ran rampant through the Thursday night lineup on NBC? It’d be all fun and games until he got stabbed or something on that new crime drama… You know the one- they signal us a full 30 mins ahead of time to stop laughing & start feeling like life is hopeless before it comes on by airing “Whitney”…

    As always, you had me in tears with this one. I had forgotten that dude’s name was Waldo Giraldo Faldo. I wish there was some Kimmie Gibbler/Urkel action because that would have been comedy gold. Of course, I’m sure the resulting commentary would have made me pee my pants, so perhaps it is better this way. The whole Jason Vorhees/doodoo face/erotic poses bit was especially grand, though I wish you could have explained just how the hell Stephanie ended up with THOSE particular glasses as a 9 y.o.-ish girl. Maybe Teebore said it best when he suggested they’ll go the way of Juile- they were prob just the real life glasses of some tech guy on set that day.

  6. pic 2: Danny probably forced DJ to get upon her knees and surrender all of her worldy goods to Michelle, whom he probably had annoited as a Queen by this point. Really quite sickening how he favored Michelle.

    pic 4: what you want?

    pic 6: OMG!!!! is Steve doing “The Urkel”? Anyone remember THAT episode of Family Matters? Basically, Steve created a whole dance out of his character, then drinks some booze-laced punch and starts to get all woozy and almost falls off a balcony, and then Telma Hopkins does a sort of tightrope walk in HIGH HEELS! and rescues him. That episode was all kinds of awesome. Family Matters was awesome. I know everyone liked Urkel, but my favorite was Carl. I liked to see him navigate between caring father and somebody that couldn’t control his temper.

  7. Love your blog! Just want to point out though that Joey is not an uncle. He’s a family friend and they never called him Uncle Joey. Sorry, everyone does this and for some reason it bugs the shit out of me. Carry on, ignore my weirdness.

    • You’ve got to be shitting me.

      • Excuse me? No, I’m not. It’s a quirk and it bugs me. He’s not an uncle. Never called “Uncle Joey” on the show. I just wanted to point that out. I’m not insulting the blog, in fact I said I love it.

      • let’s not fight! FHR is all about the love! i’m intrigued by your comment… i honestly can’t say for sure that they’ve never once referred to him as “uncle joey.” it’s sometimes surprising to me the things i don’t notice after watching every episode… anyhow, i tend to refer to jesse and joey as “the uncles” and jesse, joey and danny collectively as “the dads” mostly because it makes for much smoother sentences. also, i think the term “uncle” is as commonly used in our culture to describe the brother of a parent as it is applied to a really good friend of theirs, so even if Joey isn’t technically their uncle he kinda is anyway.

        you see how hard i try to keep the peace around here? i defended joey.

    • Well, slap an ugly pair of glasses on me and call me Stephanie, it appears kacey is right! Here’s what I discovered:

      The only time “Uncle Joey” appeared in the script was Episode 3:
      In the bathroom
      Jesse: Hey, Joey, the kid’s ready.
      Joey: So am I.
      Jesse: This is the most terrifying shower scene since Psycho. Hey, it’s all right, pal. Here, you go to your Uncle Joey there. There you go. Joey, the baby has better muscle tone than you do.

      Wow. Just wow. My world has been shattered. I would have sworn that he was, indeed, referred to as “Uncle Joey” on a regular basis.

      Does this mean I hallucinated other FH-related things? Was Danny actually an excellent singer? Did Stephanie actually get cuter as she aged? Was Kathy Santoni not a slut?

  8. Ummm….who are you? Are you an angel sent to me from the 90’s gods? I don’t even know how I stumbled on this site, but seriously I have been reading your blog like crack. Your postings bring me the most joy out of my drab work experience and I suddenly am filled with joy once more! Seriously, be my friend forever, ok? I am so hooked! Just wanted to say thanks, keep it up!

    P.S. I use to have the Full House Board Game growing up and there was a section called ” Joey Joke Card” and every little gem of “comedy” on that card made me want to punch a wall even at 7 years old.

    • “reading your blog like crack”

      Crack: You’re Doing It Wrong.

  9. I guess I stopped regularly watching the full house sometime during the second season, as I thought uncle Jesse rocked the mullet for a much longer period of time. I’d still catch the various episode from time to time, but I wasn’t lucky enough to ever catch Urkel. I guess I’ll have to Netflix it or something.

    That being said, Stephanie in her glasses though the fish eye lens is a dead ringer for Waldo in the Van Halen “Hot for Teacher” video.

  10. Your reviews made me crack up all morning, keep up the good work Sir!

    I’m glad to know I’m not the only person who hated Joey. I always assumed he was a child molester and could not, for the life of me, understand why Danny let him live in his house and be around the girls.

  11. I picked a good week to discover this blog.

  12. Also did Joey ever confront Steph about straight up stealing his prop glasses and taking them to school? I mean, he could have needed those for work. Oh….oh ho ho….HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    WORK! Joey might have work!

    That’s funny.

    But seriously kids, don’t take peoples things without asking.

    • actually, it’s even worse than you’d think. stephanie explains to joey that she took his prop glasses to school and that they were confiscated and remorselessly tells him, “you can get them back at the end of the year.”

      • Holy crap! Way to really screw up the Joester’s livelihood! I think this show, if anything, has taught us that these children really are evil, and out to ruin the lives of these men.

  13. Tee-bore, I agree that we never see Stephanie’s glasses again. There with Jersey’s glasses (seen once in one of the first season episodes where they watch Danny’s show on tv..or something). Maybe they keep their glasses and pet turtles all in the same place?

  14. 1. This blog is rad. I grew up loving Full House and still remember it fondly, but am still ridiculously entertained by what is written here.
    2. Wasn’t there another cross-over episode? With Star Search? Also, I feel like there was another episode where DJ had an African-American friend, but I cannot remember her name, or even if she had one. Maybe in a dance episode…?
    3. Corrections like that are what happen when you’re in college and blow through 4 seasons of a blog in as many days.

  15. Just to clear up the mystery of whether or not we get to see Stephanie’s glasses again, we in fact do! I found this out by randomly searching Full House clips on Youtube just to remember how bad it all was. I came across a clip which is probably about 2 seasons or so down the road where Stephanie points out Kimmy Gibler’s possible hickey! Stephanie is in fact wearing glasses in this scene…I know, shock!! What is even more shocking is the fact that anyone on this show ever meantions the topic of hickeys!! lol

    Anyways, this is my first comment. I love this blog!! As much as it hurts your brain and insides, please don’t quit! After blowing through the first few seasons of reviews I am very much looking forward to future submissions!

  16. The Urkel episode was just a straight up bizarro world. Also, I know Urkel was the dorkiest guy on Family Matters, but when he came on Full House he definitely exposed the family for being even nerdier than he was.

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