Posted by: billysuperstar | April 15, 2011

Season 3, Episode 12, “Joey and Stacy and…Oh, Yeah, Jesse”

Danny tells Michelle to stop blowing bubbles into her chocolate milk.  She diverts each of his assertions with the question of “why?” until he finally concedes that it’s ok after all, going so far as to blow bubbles into his own chocolate milk to support her.  Yeah, that’s right, just go ahead and let that asshole baby do whatever she wants.

Joey interrupts Jesse’s rehearsal for their new commercial with the suggestion that they replace their retarded musical routine with his shitty ass comedy.  Jesse shuts him down and then introduces him to the backup singers he’s hired for the ad, including Stacy, who’s apparently a big fan of Joey’s stand-up and really enthused to meet him.  Incidentally, the other backup singer is played by Cindy Herron, former Ms. Black California and founding member of En Vogue.  She has almost no lines or screen time but I thought it was kind of interesting to see her on here, mostly because I’m pretty desperate to find any genuine points of interest whatsoever on this soul-sucking shitpile of a tv show.  I mean, what else is there to do besides let your brain totally numb itself while you’re watching this?  When you’ve got Joey onscreen in a ridiculous beret doing a terrible impression of Roseanna Barr you get pretty desperate for something else to shift your focus toward.

Kimmie Gibbler comes over to copy DJ’s homework but it turns out the dog ate it.  And as if destroying the homework wasn’t insulting enough, Comet seems to have somehow torn a hole in the paper in the shape of a dick and balls.  Astounding!

Danny and the baby file into DJ’s room one after another, each stating complaints about something of theirs that the dog fucked up.  Suddenly, as if on cue, Stephanie enters the scene with Comet, and upon discovering that everyone’s hella mad at him she casually excuses his behavior.

Joey and Stacy continue their bizarre, cartoon-trivia-based courtship in the living room and then abruptly start making out.  Gross!  One thing that’s really caught me off guard while watching through this series is how much ass Joey seems to get.  He can’t ever get a functional relationship going but he sure does get a lot more action than you’d expect.  Of course, him getting any action whatsoever would be more than you’d expect, but he actually, appallingly, seems to do pretty well with the ladies.  Besides being nauseating, it’s just not very believable, especially in moments like this, where immediately after making out with Stacy, Joey exclaims, “Aye Chihuahua!”  I mean, really, what woman is gonna stick around after that?  I guess the same fucked up weirdo woman who would make out with Joey in the first place.

Anyway, Jesse walks in on their cavorting and tells Joey what suit to wear for their meeting tomorrow and then Stacy immediately starts getting in Joey’s ear about how Jesse’s always telling him what to do.  Just then Jesse summons Joey from the kitchen and tells him about bowling plans for the evening that he’s made for the two of them and Rebecca Donaldson.  Incidentally, what the hell happened to Rebecca Donaldson?  They put her in the opening credits at the beginning of the season, establishing her as a permanent character, but then we hardly ever saw her after that and now she’s not even in the opening credits anymore.  What’s up with that?  But I guess that’s just me digging up diversions again, either because I’m really having a hard time getting through this episode or maybe just because I miss staring at that sweet, sweet morning show hostess ass.

So anyway Joey gets up in Jesse’s shit about always bossing him around but then Jesse cools him down and then the two of them make up by doing annoying Sammy Davis Jr. impressions.  However, things just might not be fully resolved, as once the mood lightens, Jesse immediately starts calling shots again and a somber musical note at the end of the scene suggest further disharmony.

Stephanie follows a trail of Mr. Bears clothes in the hallway and finds him gutted on the floor of her room.

It’s weird how artificial the scene looks, like Mr. bear was carefully cut open and placed on the floor.  It seems like in the ultra-bland pastel world of Full House, even an act of animal violence is carefully arranged and presented in the most vanilla way possible.  Anyhow, Stephanie freaks out and the rest of the family come to see what the big hullabaloo is and then Comet comes in and, not content with simply destroying Stephanie’s beloved childhood stuffed animal, he mounts Mr. Bear right there, in front of everyone.  Dang, I guess I spoke to soon about this scene being vanilla….

Jesse and Joey present their advertising jingle to some stuffy business guys.  I wonder what ever happened to their boss, Mr. Malatesta?  We haven’t seen that guy in a while…  Oh, right, so anyway, they do their presentation, which includes a large, hideous puppet, and the business guys like it but decide that it’s “too safe.”  Stacy then pressures Joey to present his shitty comedy routine and so he pitches to the business guys that they check out his new, “unexpected” approach in the form of a comedy routine, because I’m really sure that Joey is the first guy in the history of radio advertising to think of doing a lame comedy routine to sell a shitty product.  So Joey goes into a bit about a French hockey player and, naturally the business guys immediately agree to buy it. Jesse gets all butt hurt about Joey selling the comedy idea and storms out like a little girl.  In the aftermath of Jesse’s sissy tantrum, Stacy tells Joey that they can’t see each other anymore because it’s causing too much trouble for he and Jesse’s partnership.

While DJ tries to repair Mr. Bear, Stephanie relates her issues with Comet to Jesse’s with Joey.  Danny intervenes and gives them advice about having faith in friends.  What’s kind of weird is that he pretty much tells Stephanie that it’s her own fault that Mr. Bear got fucked up because she left him laying around.  You’d think maybe he’d want to invest in some obedience training for that dog since it’s been actively fucking up everyone’s shit.  Why is the solution just to blame Stephanie instead?  But anyway it doesn’t matter because DJ fixes Mr. Bear so everything goes back to normal.  Just once can’t someone learn a hard lesson on this show?  Every time someone is forced to reconcile with not getting what they want they are rewarding by getting what they want.

After talking with Danny, Jesse recognizes that he has a tendency to be bossy so he confronts Joey in order to patch things up.  Jesse unambiguously apologizes and tells Joey that he was right about everything but Joey just rants at him.  Suddenly and without explanation, Stacy enters the kitchen (seriously, how did she get inside the full house?).  She tells Joey that Jesse called her up to try to help patch things up between them (but still says nothing about him letting her inside the full house) and Joey is so touched that the music comes on.  The uncles declare their undying gay love for each other and then Jesse orders Joey to kiss Stacy.  Joey’s like, what the fuck, I thought we just agreed that you were gonna quit ordering me around, but then Stacy insists that he comply.  Isn’t that fucking gross?

Joey and Stacy have the most fast paced relationship I’ve ever seen.  They’ve known each other for about 2 days and their relationship has already caused a major rift in Joey’s professional life and they’ve broken up and gotten back together.  Although they’ve come so far in such a short amount of time, something tells me that we’ll never see Stacy ever again.  I guess that explains why Joey gets so many girlfriends:  the show provides him with one every time it’ll serve some lame ass plot.

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Responses

  1. Is perverse the word, that Jesse is watching them make out? I find that distasteful.

    Jesse as “musician” (whores), Joey is a “comedian” (drugs), Danny’s as “parent”(do what you want and blame others) this going to turn these girls into crazy drug whores. 3 bat-shit-drunk-fake-tittied- bad-dyejob-coked-out-sluts who will wind up in a dumpster at 19 in shinetown. We will be able to point out many moments as to why? WHY! did they end up this way.

    • I have spent some time reworking the response. If it could be amended as:

      …coked-out-sluts, who wind up dead in a dumpster smothered with a plastic bag filled with airplane glue at 19 in some sh*tty part of some broke Shinetown, U.S.A or most likely Mexico. We are then able to point out where we, as a nation, went wrong for these girls. We ALLOWED Danny Tanner to invite these irresponsable *ssholes to quote care for unquote his selfish, rotten demon spawn and watched with glee as this baby grew into the evil overlord who split in two to continue to ruin America.

      • Fake-tittied coke whores? You’re describing the perfect women… Carry on, Danny, CARRY ON.

  2. Reading this blog feels like twisting my finger around inside an open wound. It hurts so good…

  3. Reading this blog, and seeing these screen caps is making me rethink my entire childhood. I remember watching this show and thinking Uncle Jesse was the coolest guy ever. And I dressed like the girls! I even wore my hair up in a side pony-tail with a big bow, like Michelle does. So many wasted years.
    Although to my credit, I always hated Uncle Joey. ALWAYS.

  4. In the aftermath of Jesse’s sissy tantrum, Stacy tells Joey that they can’t see each other anymore because it’s causing too much trouble for he and Jesse’s partnership.

    Wait, wasn’t she the one driving the wedge between them by pointing out how bossy Jesse was? And now she’s bowing out because…she’s driving a wedge between them?

    Wait, am I expecting this show to make narrative sense?

    • oh! teebore! i have to tell you, i went through an emotional roller coaster when you did not comment on friday! your comments get more comments than my articles do! glad you’re back!

      • No worries, I’ll be here as long as you’re here! I was just out of town last week and didn’t get a chance to comment right away.

      • Yes. Teebore, your insight is important and funny. Please you are part of my Friday team.

  5. In searching for a still of the picnic scene in the opening credits, I stumbled across your website. I’ve gotten such great amusement of your recaps! My friends and I just recently visited San Francisco and of course we had to re-enact the scene in front of the Painted Ladies from this wonderfully awful show. I would love to photoshop our faces onto their faces during the picnic scene but haven’t found a good still from the credits. My question to you is, is there a place where you are getting your screen shots for your reviews, or are you making them yourself? If there is a place that you grab them from, would you mind sending me in that direction so that I might find what I’m looking for? If you make them yourself, I don’t suppose you’d mind capturing the picnic scene as a huge favor to a complete stranger? I know this is a longshot and really, our only purpose is to amuse ourselves. We are all fighting over who gets to be who, but of course, I’m the one with the Photoshop skills. 🙂 Thanks in advance for any help you might be able to give.

  6. “I’m pretty desperate to find any genuine points of interest whatsoever on this soul-sucking shitpile of a tv show.”

    So I guess I am about halfway through the reviews so far and I am concerned. This blog is starting to remind me of that sauna competition where a bunch of people died and everyone got third degree lip burns from their own breath.

    I hope that if your face starts to burn off you will stop watching Full House. For a little while.

  7. Danny’s super lame, but isn’t it shocking how many more girls Joey gets than Danny? I mean, Danny is an uptight dork who spoils his girls beyond belief, but at least he has a job, a house, and a car… plus he doesn’t tell retarded jokes and do impressions all the time. Didn’t Joey end up with the beautiful granddaughter in that auction episode, while Danny got the grandma? WTF?

    I still wanna know what happened to Cheryl, damn it!!

    • Danny has a HIGH PAYING job, to boot, and is somewhat a local celebrity…. he should pull more ass than a washed up freeloader comedian.

  8. Again with the cookies and chocolate milk! That kid has the worst diet ever. Cookies, ice cream, cake…gross.

  9. Fun fact (if I remember correctly): Stacy was played by the actress who was the oldest daughter on ‘Gimme A Break’.

  10. “asshole baby” i love the baby definitions. and is it not a surprise that the dog is acting like the rest of these attention starved selfish cockclowns? he’s simpley getting in step with the full house atmosphere.

  11. I’m guessing Bob Saget volunteered to put that hole in DJ’s homework.

    Also, Joey gets ass because they live in California, which always was more laid back, so you can get away with being a goofy fuck and having a decent sex life. He couldn’t pull that crap on the east coast.

  12. Joey is probably Kato Kaelin’s personal hero


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