Posted by: billysuperstar | August 13, 2010

Season 1 Reviewed

Full House is a terrible show.

Everything about it totally sucks.  The writing is bad, the characters are all shallow and annoying, and the production is lousy.  And yet somehow it became a cultural phenomenon that influenced the ABC Networks sitcom aesthetic for over a decade.  What the fuck?

The worst thing about watching Season 1 is realizing that it’s probably the best of the series.  As 1-dimensional as the characters appear so far, we’ve barely even scratched the surface of the relentless catch phrase spewing and heavy-handed morality that comes later on.   Even though these first episodes seem totally half assed and uninspired, they at least have some newness to them.  I guess the creators were still figuring out how to phone it in at this point.

The truly painful thing about Full House is that, as the show progressed, it seemed to embrace and even exploit its most obnoxious aspects, abandoning any granule of integrity along the way.  After watching Season 1 you might say that Uncle Joey is the most annoying character in the history of television, but then you remember that the Olsen twins haven’t started talking yet.  But let’s not get ahead of ourselves and instead take a minute to discuss the cast as they appear when it all began:

Danny Tanner is the world’s corniest sportscaster.  After his wife mysteriously dies he enlists his greasy, womanizing brother-in-law and his totally worthless fuckhead of a best friend to help raise his three young daughters.  John Stamos, who plays the brother-in-law, somehow manages to occasionally squeeze blood from a stone and display an inkling of natural charisma onscreen.  Although he fails to perform the impossible task of transcending this shows totally abysmal aesthetic, he at least makes it understandable why he’s the only cast member who went on to do anything remotely respectable in the acting world.  Dave Coulier’s performance as Uncle Joey is just so excruciatingly awful that I don’t even want to elaborate on it.  On that topic, however, I think here’s as good a place as any to share a little Dave Coulier trivia:  Did you know that he’s the guy that Alanis Morissette is singing about in that scorned ex-girlfriend song, “You Oughtta Know.”  I’m not even kidding.  He kicked her to the curb and she wrote a revenge song about it that became a huge hit.  Can you imagine getting dumped by Uncle Joey?   I’d keep that shit on the hush hush if it happened to me.  But, like all things relating to Uncle Joey, the heartbreak he inspired had to become inexplicably successful in the most obnoxious way possible.

The oldest daughter, DJ, is the closest thing to a straight man on the show.  She’s pretty unoffensive and is easily the most relatable character in the cast.  Stephanie, the middle sister, is actually pretty cute in the first season and occasionally delivers some pretty funny lines.  As for Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen’s duel role as the baby, Michelle, I’m just gonna go ahead and say it:  That is an ugly baby.

The only reoccurring supporting cast member is Kimmy Gibbler, DJ’s wacky school chum who lives next door and is totally amazing.  Oh, Kimmy Gibbler, you’re too good for this show!

There’s not much to say about the arch of the season itself because Full House has just about the most negligent continuity I’ve ever seen on a tv show.  I guess if there’s any sort of running narrative, it’s the family sort of settling into itself and the Uncles transitioning from total incompetence to mild incompetence.  One thing that really bugged the hell out of me this season is the constant introduction of new characters and elements that would never be used again.  Danny’s Mom is made out to be a major reoccurring character in early episodes and then fades away entirely, the oddest aspect of which is that she’s often referred to and even appears off-screen occasionally.  Danny, Jesse and Joey all pursue love interests that seem to form into solid relationships at the end of the episode they’re introduced in but then they’re never mentioned again.  The most tragic of all the Season 1 casualties is Bubba the Turtle, a woe-begotten creature that Jesse finds on the side of the road and proclaims his undying love for, who only appears in a single episode.  Oh, Bubba, what became of you???

I guess if I had to lay down just one more gripe in this review it’s that I have a real problem with Full House’s overtly gay content that totally forsakes any sort of support or even acknowledgement of gay families.  It’s like the shows creators think that gay people are just a joke that somebody made up or something.  I guess the show tries to be pretty apolitical, but even still, having a bunch of touchy feely dad’s raising three girls in San Francisco seems like a premise that just has to recognize gay culture in some way.

So, yeah, Season 1 sucked hard but this show went on for 8 seasons and it only got worse, so hold on to your hats.  This blog has a long way to go.

Stay tuned!

Your pal,

-Billy Superstar-


  1. btw, the revelation that the guy “You Oughta Know” was based on was Dave Coulier COMPLETELY ruined the song for me. I’m sorry, but I really, really, really would rather not think about Alanis Morrisette going down on Uncle Joey in a theater.

    I’m sure this was already said a million times when the revelation first broke forth, but, man, if ever there were a break-up not worth crying over, it’s one with Dave Coulier. Jesus, Alanis, you deserve way better than that, girlfriend. I love how she got the best revenge: Dave Coulier is remembered for playing the worst character on one of the worst sitcoms of all time, while Morrisette is remembered for having written quite a few (albeit arguably, I know) pretty catchy, awesome songs.

    • Really, it was the Dave Coulier revelation that ruined the song for you? For me it was Alanis Morrisette’s loud, screechy voice. Still, their relationship couldn’t have been all bad. What about the cross-eyed bear that he gave to her?

      • Uhh…I really hope you’re being sarcastic. You know it’s “cross I bear” not “cross-eyed-bear,” don’t you?

        Also, do you really have nothing better to do with your time than to keep a blog purely for the purpose of bashing a TV show that’s been off the air for sixteen years? I mean, it would be one thing if this show was still making episodes or if anyone really cared to read your shallow opinion, (cause let’s just be honest, that’s all this is..), but don’t you think it’s a little odd for you to be airing all of this just now? I mean, heaven forbid anyone catch a rerun of this “horrible” show! It’s not taking up a primetime spot and it’s not like you even have to see any commercials for it, so what’s the deal? Seriously, why aren’t you spending your time actually contributing something to society in a positive way?

        Oh, and one more thing…if you really see fit to continue this silly little project, at least do some research. Even a little bit would be much better than the obvious ZERO you’ve put in thus far…
        If you’d done any research whatsoever, or perhaps even just went as far as to turn off the reruns and get off the couch, you’d be aware of the fact that almost all of the Full House cast members went on to accomplish many more things after the show ended. As a matter of fact, your Kimmy Gibbler (aka: Andrea Barber, whom I’m also a fan of so I say this with no disrespect), probably was the one who has stayed out of the spotlight the most. That’s not to say she’s been unsuccessful–she’s a stay at home mom to a beautiful family, and I’m sure very proud of her accomplishments, as she should be.
        But you should also know that Candace Cameron-Bure (in case you’re not quite up to date, as I suspect you aren’t, “Bure” comes from NHL star, Valeri Bure, her husband of 15 years), has definitely kept busy herself. She’s a very successful motivational Christian speaker, a New York Times best selling author, she’s remained in the public eye doing several movies and TV guest spots, and is currently one of the stars of ABC Family’s highly-successful “Make It Or Break It.” Not to mention her three beautiful children that undoubtedly keep her busy.
        So yeah, I suppose if that’s your definition of unsuccessful, your statement would be accurate.

        Dave Coulier has continued with his successful stand-up comedy. Bob Saget has had a few (albeit short-lived) sitcom and game-show hosting
        stints. Mary-Kate and Ashley are enormously successful business moguls, running several high-end clothing companies out of NY and LA. That might not seem impressive to you, but I’m pretty sure their billions of dollars speak otherwise…

        Heck, even Steve became Aladdin and Comet hit it big with a little thing called “Air Bud.”

        Here’s a new plan for ya: turn off the TV and go get a job….or pick up a book? Maybe go to school. Do something worth something with your life…

      • wow you know ALLLLL that about every one yet the blog writer is the one who must turn off the tv and yet get a life?? i take this blog for what its worth…a grain of salt. its meant to be funny and as i see makes quite a few people laugh. so stop being sooo butthurt about somebody’s (you most likely dont know a thing about) blog like theyre writing hateful shit about the people who played the characters. full house was a great show during its time but looking back it was lame as hell. and im sure a lot of people agree. so maybe you should go do something worthy of your life…instead of reading every gossip magazine and crying about a silly blog that im sure someone write in their freetime.

      • I’m sorry, I had to comment in reply to this “Lauren” character. Two main points:

        One, this blog is a JOKE. It’s for FUN, and it makes people LAUGH. This isn’t meant to be read as a real critical review of the series, and the series isn’t worthy of high-level critique to begin with! Besides that, the guy has been to college and he more than likely has a job, but even if he WERE an unemployed, uneducated guy, you have no right to tell him what to do with his free time. This blog probably takes no more than one or two hours of his time a week, and you’re shouting at him for keeping it up? I spend more hours than that a week searching for my friggin’ keys every day. Get over yourself.

        Two, the guy said that John Stamos is “the only cast member who went on to do anything remotely respectable in the acting world,” which is basically true. You can go on and on about how Andrea Barber has a wonderful family, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s done nothing respectable acting-wise since Full House went off the air. Your best argument (definitely an overstatement) would have been to bring up Dave Coulier’s fairly extensive voice acting career, but instead you’re talking about Candace Cameron-Bure’s shitty ABC Family sitcom? And the Olsen twins may be rich business moguls, but how does that change the fact that neither of them could act their way out of a paper bag? Seems like you’re the one who hasn’t done your research.

        I make no claims as to how accomplished I am or how much time I spend online doing silly things, but I had to respond to your inane comment. I know you won’t come back to read it, and I know it was unnecessary, but I had to get these things off my chest.

  2. Okay, it was never a great song (unlike Ironic, which, yes, IS A GREAT SONG!), but let’s just say it didn’t use to make me sick to my stomach, whereas now it does.

  3. Just found your blog! This shit is uh-maz-ing! Must. Keep. Reading!

  4. You people are crazy! I am in love with this show and I don’t like all this talk against it! You guys drive me crazy! It’s the best sitcom ever!
    Keep on jabbering about how “bad” it is, but it’ll never change how much i love this show!

  5. Wow. Lauren’s comment above is the best thing ever. I only hope that she’s for real, and not some plant funded by The Olsen Twin’s billions of dollars.

    Upon reflection, I’ve decided she’s actually Candace Cameron-Bure.

    • I think she’s actually Comet, sliding in that little bit about Air Bud at the end like it’s no big deal instead of THE BEST MOVIE ABOUT A BASKETBALL PLAYING DOG OF ALL TIME.

    • You are so right, georgeofconnor. Nobody still likes Full House, except the cast members of the show (besides Stephanie, so I hear). I was the hugest fan of this show and watched reruns multiple times a day in the 90s (I was like 10 years old, lay off me!) And yet now, it pains me to try to watch an episode. It’s so terribly unfunny, the acting is awful, the script is boring, and the characters are really kinda bad people. Candace Cameron “Bure” (seriously, nobody cares who she married or that her last name has a little addition) has become just as lame as her brother. I think Lauren is actually John Stamos, cause that dude just can’t let go of Full House – he’s been pushing for a movie or some sort of reunion thing, but none of the other actors wanna do it hahahaha. I especially love how she mentioned that they “went on to accomplish many more things after the show ended.” and that Kimmy Gibbler “probably was the one who has stayed out of the spotlight the most.” just glazing over the fact that Jodie Sweetin has “accomplished” being a drug addict and that’s what’s kept her in “the spotlight”.

  6. God this blog keeps me entertained for hours at work. I literally had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard.

  7. After skimming Lauren’s phenomenal display of tl;dr fuckery I have this thoughtful reply:

    So’s your face.

  8. Oh Lauren, I love your “not long for this world” sincerity. I have a feeling that the author was aware of the “cross eyed bear” gag, as he has quite the humourous style to him.

  9. Full house was terrible the very first time I saw it, when it was still new and being aired on network television. I was like, oh… I don’t know… maybe 10 or 13? maybe younger in it came out… and all I knew was this… kimmey was cute as HELL, DJ COULD be hot, sometimes, especially later on… and the olsen twins scared me… Oh, and I was scared of danny too, he looked like a child molester. worst show, aside from family matters, that I’ve ever seen. Makes the christian hit series “Bible Man” look like a blockbuster movie with a riveting plot and A list cast. and Bible Man is complete garbage. This blog is GREAT!!!!! best concept for a blog so far, although “to the chest” is pretty funny too…

  10. I loved this show as a child, but now as a 30 year-old, I see how crappy the show really was. And I think that’s why I’m able to truly appreciate this blog…I get to reminisce about one of my favorite childhood shows while laughing my ass off reading the blunt, honest commentary of this blog. This blog is genius, and I’m so glad I found it. It has been a blast reading it the last two days, so I’ll be pretty sad once I’m “caught up” and will have to wait for new postings. LOL

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: